InsaneJournal

Current mood:	confused
Current music:	Freddy's Dead - Curtis Mayfield

You have got to be kidding me
Why oh why? What did I do? Is karma coming back to bite me in the butt? I've been a pretty decent person over the years. Granted, I've done some things that I shouldn't have, but really, did he have to read my entire journal?

Let me start from the begining...

I get a call from Jay, sounding rather irrated, asking me who Wonder Boy is? If I wasn't so shocked, I would have laughed. I haven't heard/used that psuedomyn in years. Jay starts going on and on about how he wants to know who Wonder Boy is and why I was upset that he was ignoring me. wonder Boy is such a non-factor that he didn't warrant explanation and as for why I was upset he was ignoring me -- Hello!! You don't ignore me. I don't care who you are. As I'm trying to explain this to Jay he begins to read me my own journal entries...as if I didn't write them. These were entries from 2005-2006. I didn't see any reason to dig into that, but apparently he did.I will tell you know that I had no explanation. Al lI could do was tell him that despite who approached me or what I may have wanted to indulge in, I remained faithful...unlike him. I got hit with an onslaught of accusations. Looking back, it's entirely my fault. Perhaps I should have engaged members of teh opposite sex in conversation after having a couple of drinks. But it wasn't like I was going home with any of them. Jay, however, seemed to think that I made of habit of leaving bars with strange me that I just met. If that's what he really thinks of me, then why bother getting married. Really, if that is the type of woman that you think that I am, why bother? You needn't waste my time or yours. I shouldn't have to explain myself. All it sounded like to me was that he was looking for a way to say that he's not the only one to fuck up. Well guess what -- I may have thought about sleeping with someone else. I may have really wanted to. But the bottom line is that I didn't. He on the other hand left the state, and me in tears, to go off and fuck some other chick...though if you hear him tell it he couldn't perform because I was on his mind the whole time. (I couldn't have been on your mind too much considering you drove to Massachusetts to fuck some chick you met on myspace...)

I'm just upset that he would even bring it up. I'm friendly by nature. People like me. When I want to I can work a crowd. When I'm feeling down I go out with one objective -- to get a positive response to my existence from a member of the opposite sex. I'm not trying to find a new man or anything like that. It's just nice to hear someone say that I'm attractive/fun/interesting. Wow...I sound so like a middle aged woman right now. It's just that after being with someone for so long, little things like compliments fall to the wayside. Even when I buy new clothes/lingerie, I get the same non-committal responses, or he complains about the color or the fabric.

I don't know what to feel. I don't know what I'm going to do. I know I need to think of something because I'm going to see him tomorrow.